As we grow up we learn to adapt emotionally and psychologically in whatever way is necessary to preserve our sense of emotional stability. Depending on what we feel is asked of us and the type of family we grow up in, we might express our feelings or hold them in. We might become competitive, quiet, shy, outspoken, funny, serious, dependent, or independent. We might strive to become athletic or studious, tough or sensitive. This is how personality is shaped.

Some of the character traits that helped us adapt when we were young are not as useful or true to our own interests when we become adults. For example you may have been encouraged to be shy and reserved growing up, but as an adult don’t ask for enough and find it hard to express yourself. You may have isolated yourself to avoid family tension, but now find it hard to relate to people. You may have grown up in a controlling environment where you had to fight to express an opinion, and now feel that you have to win or be right all the time. Or you may have had to spend so much time rejecting family expectations to preserve your sense of self that you have no idea what you want to do with your life.

Because stability is valued as a priority, we more naturally defend ourselves rather than make changes. Change feels like it will bring on the problems we were trying to avoid in the first place. However in exchange for the stability we gain from staying the same, we stay locked into personality traits that become more and more frustrating.

Psychoanalytic psychotherapy will help you challenge these outdated traits and come to see change as reasonable and important. Specifically you will learn how to understand and value your needs, feelings, and moods, and see more clearly how you relate to yourself and other people. You will also be more able to appreciate your strengths. You will discover how people important to you have shaped your life, and how this affects your current relationships.

With these new insights you will increasingly be able to notice how your emotional and physical symptoms are related to how your personality was put together, and therefore be in a better position to make positive changes, reach your potential, and live more fully.

Psychoanalytic psychotherapy views substance abuse and other addictions as ways of coping with emotions. Therefore they are treated as any other coping mechanisms would be, by focusing on these feelings. As the emotional pain is resolved, the need for “self-medication” is decreased.

There are common fears about entering into a psychoanalytic relationship. Because stability is our number one goal, psychotherapy with any depth feels like a bad idea. You don’t want to be “cured” of the only self you know. However, when you’re in a psychotherapy relationship with someone who understands how your mind works and who values your problems as normal ways of adapting, you can get beyond the need to guard yourself so carefully.

Other concerns include losing emotional control, becoming dependant on the therapist, feeling emotional pain that you have always tried to avoid, and the cost of treatment. This type of therapy provides a structure that is in place as long as is necessary to help you understand your feelings and make the changes you want to make. Even though you rely on your therapist during this time, the treatment promotes independence. Finally, psychoanalytic psychotherapy is a financial commitment, but it is a long term investment in yourself and your future.

There are times when emotions, moods, or thought patterns respond well to medication in addition to psychotherapy. I do not prescribe medication, and so when a trial of medication is recommended I will help coordinate that with a psychiatrist, nurse practitioner, or your family doctor.